EVERMORE 2010

So I am trying to catch up on my blogs from the past few weeks now. I kept meaning to do it sooner, but my days have been consumed with other things instead. Chris and I went to camp evermore a few weekends ago and here are a few pictures from our trip.

We went the weekend of 8/6/10 to 8/8/10 and on the way driving up there, we hit a rainstorm in Preston that cast a beautiful rainbow over the mountains. We stopped and I took a few pictures, then we went on our way and when we came out of the canyon there were rainbows everywhere! Literally, there would be one and then it would disappear, then another and it would disappear. I wish I knew exactly how many there were but I didn't have time to count. I was trying to get pictures of all of them before they faded. I felt such a peaceful feeling as we drove up to camp that day. It was as though Waylon knew we were coming and was trying to tell us how excited he was to have us there. To some that may sound crazy, but I was so happy he was giving us signs. Check out these pics.....

This was the one in Preston that we saw over the mountains. I wish I could have gotten one sooner, before it started to fade.

If you look close at this one, you can see that it was a double!!

I LOVE how this one shows the light on one side and the dark on the other. Beautiful!

They were seriously EVERYWHERE!!

This was the sunset that night. I tried to get a better picture of it, but this was the best I could do. It was gorgeous.

We BBQ'd and sat by the fire for a few hours.

Then just before we were getting ready for bed, Chris was playing biter dog with Wyatt in the dark....and this was the result.....a bloody nipple. LOL  Ok, so it isn't funny. Wyatt didn't mean to, he just couldn't see and accidently bit his nipple of all things. We had to dive into the first aid box and get all the supplies out to fix him up. He was bleeding pretty bad considering, and it left a hole in his shirt. I have told Chris for a long time now that it isn't smart to play biter dog, but he just ignores me and continues to do it, so in some ways I wanted to say I told you so and do a "Nelson" laugh. (You know Ha Ha, from the Simpson's) Ok anyway, but I felt too bad for him. It looked like it really really hurt.

All in all it was a fun weekend and even though it wasn't exactly on the day of our anniversary this year, it was still a fun trip to camp.

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We went back to camp on 8/13/10 to 8/15/10 and again had a way fun weekend. We took our bikes, but I didn't take any pictures. I was too exhausted to remember. :)

All of us at Waylon's Rock.

Morgan decided she wanted to drive us home. She got distracted a few times by the cows in the fields as we drove past, but did pretty well for the most part.

I think this picture of the moon is so cool. I took it so that I could remember what Waylon see's every night up on the hill. The stars were so bright and not a cloud in the sky that night.

Well, so that's everything for the camp updates, I know it was a kind of long post, but I'm glad I will be able to look back on these pics and remember a few things. More to come later as we make more trips up there.

GETTING BACK IN SHAPE

I have been so frustrated lately and unable to write for some reason. My emotions have been all over the place and I haven't known what to even focus on. Except for trying so hard to lose the last of my pregnancy weight. I gained 31 total and I have 10 lbs left to go,but they just won't seem to come off. Now granted, I have tried and focused a lot more in the past to get where I wanted to be, so in a lot of ways I feel like there is so much more I could be doing. However, I have never been so stressed and unmotivated in my entire life. In fact, the ONLY motivation I have to keep at it is just knowing that I want to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight so that I can start over again when we are able to try for another baby. I feel so cheated right now. Sure, I have all the time in the world to go to the gym all day every day if I wanted to.....but most days I barely have the energy to want to get out of bed and be a lump around the house all day. All I can manage to do for the most part is read, research, and take care of my daily house stuff, like laundry and dishes and stuff. I have been going to the gym but I just feel miserable about myself, so weak and unattractive. It's just NOT FAIR!! So my vow for this week is to GO to the gym every single day no matter what. Maybe if I can accomplish that much then I can go from there. I haven't missed a day yet since this last Saturday.

Chris and I went to camp Evermore not this last weekend, but the weekend before last and the weekend before that. Wow, hopefully that's not too confusing. :) We took our mountain bikes with us and attempted to ride them. Chris did great of course, and then there was me. I struggled so much!! The first weekend, we went downhill wayyyyyy too far and I ended up walking my bike up the majority of the hill. It was awful. We got back to camp and Chris decided to go for an additional ride without me to get more of a workout in. So I went down to Waylon's spot on the hill and told him all about what a wimp his Momma is and how much I wish he could be there to love me no matter what. I know he was there in spirit, but I just wanted my little boy to hold my hand and make me feel better about myself, alive, in person. For months and months I had imagined all 3 of us going to camp and him getting to wear his little cowboy boots while we all went for a 4-wheeler ride or a hike. Now, all I get to do is sit by his rock and wish things were different.

The second weekend we rode again and decided that we would just go to a certain point that wasn't too far and turn around, then if I could do it again we would go a second time and then a third until I counldn't do anymore. I made it 3 times, which was 6 miles. That was a much better idea and I was feeling a little bit better about myself after that ride.

Hopefully I can gain some more motivation in the weeks to come. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

THE FEELING OF A LAUGH...

Lately I have given up one of the things I like to do most.....LAUGH. It seems as though I just can't do it most of the time. Things that used to make me laugh now don't, or I feel myself faking a laugh just to seem like I'm not so dull and hide the hurting inside. It's sad, but true. I feel as though it takes a lot of effort to try and forget what has happened for long enough to be able to laugh. However, I have discovered one thing that I can lose myself in and never fails to make me laugh. Who's Line Is It Anyway?? Anyone who has never seen this show on TV, needs to see it!! It's on every night at 10 pm, and I can promise you...even if you are in the worst mood ever, it may just pull you out of it. This show is completely rediculous, but somehow I always seem to laugh at it. Not just a little giggle.....it's a full on, running out of air, stomach ache laugh. To my surprise, I didn't think that would ever happen again. It feels so good to be able to let go for a minute and not care about anything but this stupid show. A laugh to me is a sense of freedom and feeling carefree....and an ab workout if you can get laughing hard enough.

I realize that this is a strange post....but it's helping to remind me that even when we think life couldn't get any worse, we find ourselves laughing hysterically. My moods have been all over the place since we lost Waylon. Most days I don't know how many personalities or feelings I am going to go through before I decide to settle on one. Then the next day it's a different one or two or twelve. Ranging from anger and sadness to feeling guilty, fearful and grateful all in the same hour. It's an emotional rollercoaster ride and personally I don't like this ride anymore....I want to get off the rollercoaster NOW please. Afterall, how many emotions can one person possibly go through before they have totally confused everyone around them.

As I try and regulate myself, I hope that my family and friends can bear with me. I know I will never be the same but I hope to one day be able to genuinely laugh at something other than a TV show. I love my family so much!! All of you NEED to watch this show!! I promise you'll like it. :)

A NEW BLOG

I once had another blog a few years back, but now it is among the missing. Either that or I have forgotten the username and password, one of the two. So....I have now started a new one. I am creating this blog as an online journal of our lives together. With everything that has happened the past few years, our memories just don't serve us as they should, it would be nice to be able to look back and remember the good times and the bad. So here goes....